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3Jan/090

An Open Letter to You, The New Member of the Gym

Hey there! You're probably here because it's the new year and, well, you really needed to start doing something about that spare tire/double chin/third arm that's been slowly taking over your body, not to mention the need to fit into your clothes less in the manner of sausage casings. So you're here, and gosh, is there a lot of equipment to use! Where should I start? Should I get a trainer?

But I'm not going to cover that stuff. No, I'm going to go over some basic gym etiquette that you should get down pat before you even think about how much weight you're going to stack on (or leave off) that bar. Let's start with just showing up to the gym. You have to wave your key fob or scan your plastic card just as soon as you enter, so you should probably have it out and ready so as not to cause a big line of people waiting while you dig through your purse or bag - and that line will be bigger than normal since everyone, like you, has made a resolution to lose weight, get toned or some other similar goal. Shortly after signing in, there should be a big stack of towels fresh from the dryer. GRAB ONE AND USE IT. Seriously - you can't disinfect every single surface in the gym, and transferring sweat from your face, arms and whatever is a great way to keep it off those hard-to-clean surfaces. Why is this important, you ask? MRSA.

By this point, you've grabbed your towel and are headed to the locker room. STOP. Did you bring a lock? Why not? Yes, everyone who's there is paying an exorbitant fee for the privilege to work out there - except for that guest that someone brought in. Or the guy that's there on the free one week trial membership. Or the friend of a friend who is borrowing someone else's membership card. Point being, you don't really know who all is there, so bring a lock and save yourself the trouble of having to call the police and file a report. But hey, you're cool - you brought your lock and are confidently walking into STOP. You just passed the conveniently located sanitizing gel station. Turn around, grab some and use it.

By now you're ready to start working out. Like I said, this isn't about your workout routine and I'm not a trainer - I've just been going to the gym for longer than you have. Anyway, your workout - plan these in advance, with the help of a trainer if necessary. Wandering around the gym, seeing what pieces of equipment may strike your fancy isn't the best way to make use of your time. Your first few times you'll probably be a bit slower than everyone else, if only because you're still getting used to the layout of the gym and how to best get from station to station - don't worry about it! Rather, focus on getting through your individual sets in a timely manner and then moving on to either rest for another set or work out on another piece of equipment. Good gym etiquette involves a bit of personal interaction, so if you see someone hanging around the bench or smith machine you're using, ask if they'd like to get a set in after you're done. Conversely, if you see someone just sitting there, ask them if you can get a set in. Try not to be that guy or gal that gets the 1000-yard stare while they're resting for another set - ON THE MACHINE. Yeah, don't be that guy. So by at this point you're working up a sweat and getting into your routine, but hoooold the phone, partner - there's still that nasty MRSA bug. So be sure and grab the bottle of Nasty-Shit-B-Gon - you know, the clear bottle with fluorescent liquid inside - and give whatever flat surface you were just smearing yourself against a quick spray and wipedown. Try to wipe as much of the excess spray off as well - no one wants to sit down on a row machine dripping with antimicrobial liquid.

Other quick hits that you might not be aware of:

Don't talk on your cell phone while on a machine, unless you're running, in which case why are you talking on a cell phone? If you simply cannot miss this call, go ahead and stop your workout, but do not just sit there yammering away.
Don't hit on the girls. Girls, don't hit on the guys. That's what bars are for. That being said, don't be afraid to ask people of either gender for help or even a spot if you need it. Most everyone in the gym are your standard nice people, and we promise not to bite your head off or drop the bar on you.
Don't drop your weights. I know, some muscleheads think it's necessary to call attention to the massive weights they've been putting up by throwing them on the ground, but this can crack the weights, send them flying unpredictably across the floor, or possibly even break your foot if you're not paying attention to where you're chucking these dense, blunt objects.
Rack your free weights. This shouldn't have to be said.

You're finished with your workout now and are headed to the locker room to get changed. On the way, make sure your towel is thrown in the bin, not on the floor, near the bin, or just left in the locker room - that's disgusting. If you're going to shower at the gym, be a pal and bring a robe or at wrap yourself in a towel, and be sure and bring shower shoes, also known as flip-flops, so as to cut down on the fungus that will rapidly spread when 100 dudes are all showering in their bare feet.

In all seriousness, try and be polite when you're at the gym. It's not your personal playground because you paid for it - it's very much a shared good. Make sure it stays good.